“We couldn’t believe how perfect it was,” said Su Mung, lead director of North Korea’s Government Film Industry, “In the nearly 70 blessed years of North Korea’s existence, we’ve never seen a more glorious work of art than what FSMW tried to pass off as an independent opinion that happened to perfectly coincide with what Cardinals management wanted their minion fans to think. We knew we had to have them film for us.” Fox Sports Midwest has already started creating a film said
Dexter Fowler Missing Opening Day To Attend Cubs Game Dexter Fowler has informed the team that he won’t be able to make it to Opening Day, because he already has family plans – he’ll instead be attending the Cubs opening day in Atlanta this year. “I mean, I already bought the tickets,” said Fowler once we told him we were from a Chicago paper, “and the rest of my family is really looking forward to being in a real city.” Dexter announced the news at his Cards FO dinner party,
“Really, Very Happy To Get Goldy” Gyorko Tells Therapist Notes believed to come from Jedd Gyorko’s therapist upon the news that Paul Goldschmidt has been traded to the Cardinals have revealed the Cardinals kinda sorta maybe not anymore third baseman’s opinion of the trade. Below is the transcript of what Jedd is alleged to have said: “No, really, I am really, very happy to get Goldy. It’s awesome. No, I’m totally into it. He’s great. Just what the team needs.” “I keep seeing
THE CARDINAL SIN Breaks News: Goldy Deal is Done! Hello folks, it’s official! Paul Goldschmidt is a Cardinal! I promise it’s true! I have sources, the BEST sources. I’m hearing all sorts of chatter. Chatter abound! Big twitter accounts. Small twitter accounts. People are coming out of the woodwork to tell you that the deal is nearly done, all looking for their claim to fame. POSERS. SCREW THEM. I’m here to tell you the deal is done. Complete. It’s official. I swear. And no, t
In this edition of The Cardinal Sin Lunhow X-Mas Display Looks Suspiciously Familiar – Says Chris Correa Cubs Hire Ray Lewis And OJ Simpson To Mentor Youth Cardinals Selling Powder Blue Paper Bags For Embarrassed Fans Mozeliak Diagnosed With Bulimia Stemming From “Extremely Low Puke Point Editors note: it's a joke. Lunhow X-Mas Display Looks Suspiciously Familiar – Says Chris Correa “Just look, Reindeer, blinking lights, Santa – even a snowman. These were all my plans.” Chris
The Cardinals Caravan was scheduled to visit 6 states this year – including Arkansas. That may now be in jeopardy. After concerns were mounted for what dangers may lurk if professional athletes were to see the dirty, unwashed, and uneducated masses that make up the hills of Arkansas, President Donald Trump has promised to step in and make sure no caravan crosses the Arkansas border – for the good of the St. Louis Cardinals franchise. “To those in the caravan, turnaround. Now.
Now in his 3rd straight offseason following missing the playoffs, the job is getting even harder for John Mozeliak, but he’s not giving up, “We have a tough task ahead of us, but I’m confident we are going to get the job done.” After spending the last two seasons going after the top stars in free agency and trade, only to end up with Mike Leake, Brett Cecil, Dexter Fowler, and Marcell Ozuna, you’d think Cardinals fans would have totally caught on that their dreams of a supers
After a rough stretch run that included the domestic violence suspension of Addison Russell, stumbling and insensitive statements by Anthony Rizzo and Joe Maddon, and a colossal team-wide collapse out of the playoffs that was capped by more insufferable whining, Theo Epstein knew his clubhouse had to change. “We know we have to bring change to our clubhouse. We know that, for whatever reason, people are looking at us like we’re bad guys. We have to fix that, and now we have a