Trump Promises To Stop Cards Caravan At Arkansas Border

The Cardinals Caravan was scheduled to visit 6 states this year – including Arkansas. That may now be in jeopardy.


After concerns were mounted for what dangers may lurk if professional athletes were to see the dirty, unwashed, and uneducated masses that make up the hills of Arkansas, President Donald Trump has promised to step in and make sure no caravan crosses the Arkansas border – for the good of the St. Louis Cardinals franchise.


“To those in the caravan, turnaround. Now. We are not letting people into Arkansas. Go back to Missouri and if you want, go anywhere else, like millions of others are doing!”


“There are incredible men and women in this caravan. It’s true. We can’t expose them to the state that gave us Hillary. Believe me. Everybody’s talking about it. We’re going to close the Arkansas border and stop anyone from entering or leaving, okay? while we figure out what the Hell is going on. We need a wall. A Great wall. A wonderful wall. A yuge wall. A beautiful wall. Like that wall in Boston. Put up a wall and make New Mexico pay for it.”


“Arkansas is a total disaster. Incompetent. Total disaster. Believe me. A tremendous disaster. It’s chaos. And if DeWitt, a fine man. A very fine man, trust me. If DeWitt is going to make the Cardinals great again, then no Arkansas, right?”

“I’ve been hearing from a lot of smart people. Fine people. The best people. They keep telling me Arkansas is, it’s not good. It’s very unfair to me. It’s unfair what the lowlife loser Clintons say about me. Fake news. We’ve got to go to Arkansas and we’ve got to drain the swamp, ok.”


“By the way, I’ve been hearing, Cardinals fans, a lot of people are laughing at us, ok? That’s what I’ve been hearing. That’s what people have been talking about. And we have got to win. Bigly. And that can’t happen visiting some shithouse place like Arkansas, right?”


Democrat Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying, “Finally Democrats can join Donald Trump and Republicans in some sorely needed bipartisanship. Arkansas sucks and no one should ever go there.”


#TheCardinalSin #DevilMagicSatire