Updated: Dec 15, 2018
“We couldn’t believe how perfect it was,” said Su Mung, lead director of North Korea’s Government Film Industry, “In the nearly 70 blessed years of North Korea’s existence, we’ve never seen a more glorious work of art than what FSMW tried to pass off as an independent opinion that happened to perfectly coincide with what Cardinals management wanted their minion fans to think. We knew we had to have them film for us.”
Fox Sports Midwest has already started creating a film said to depict North Korea as the perfect picture of health. One FSMW employee that wished to remain anonymous said “What some fringe lunatics call starvation, we call making sure they aren’t like those fat ass obese Americans.”
The film also espouses the superiority of North Korea’s healthcare industry. “Americans might have to pay a half a billion dollars a year each, North Korean’s pay almost nothing because there is basically no healthcare to get. And they are still alive. It’s brilliant.”
Asked if producing these films was a challenge, the very idea was laughed at. “We had to make a video that told our viewers that sticking with Dexter Fowler over every other clear and better option was the right idea. Selling North Korea as a paradise is a far easier task.”
The most difficult part? The one line FSMW refused to cross? “They wanted us to refer to Kim Jong Un as the ‘Supreme Leader’ when everyone knows that for us, that title will always belong to Mr DeWitt.”
Asked if they were scared of the same backlash as was seen in St. Louis by some rowdy, lunatic “free thinkers” who don’t understand that the media’s job is to tell people exactly how to think, the FSMW employee simply reminded us that all they had to do was delete the video. There were no apologies, no explanations, no acknowledgement that the video ever existed at all. “It’s already as though we were acting as media being state run by a brutal dictatorship where there are zero consequences for our actions. The transition should be easy.”
When other local media outfits were made aware of the news, almost every single one of them remained completely silent, with a few others offering their support.