Ten members of the pitching staff have decided to play the new Sportsball Among Us map - Ballpark Village. Everyone is sus - especially the bullpen.
Sportsball Among Us is a survival game (like the Hunger Games but with more likable characters). There are 10 players - 8 teammates and 2 impostors pretending to be teammates. The teammates can win by voting off the 2 impostors OR by completing all the assigned tasks. The 2 impostors can win by killing enough teammates reach a voting deadlock that prevents the remaining teammate(s) from voting off the impostor(s). Impostors can also win by sabotaging things that must be fixed before a timer expires.
The game begins at Home Plate. Meetings take place at the Pitchers Mound. Each teammate has an emergency button that they can use to call a meeting to discuss activity as well as vote to eject someone. A button is also available when a teammate finds a body. Impostors can sabotage various things, and the teammates must fix the sabotages before time runs out in order for the game to continue.
Common Tasks: Training Room, Dugout, Ineffective, Memphis, Getting Hitters Out, Gives Up All The Runs, Injured List
Sabotage: Beer Man, Team Fredbird, Bobblehead, Sacrifice Bunts
Players: Ponce, Mikolas, Webb, Whitley, Helsley, Reyes, Oviedo, Cabrera, Hicks, Miller
"May the odds be never in your favor." - unknown bullpen coach c.1941
*As teammates run to start on tasks, Ponce calls the Beer Man sabotage. When everyone runs to fix Beer Man Webb kills Mikolas as Mikolas is slow to get out of Training Room. Once Beer Man is fixed, Oviedo sees Mikolas and hits the buzzer.
Cabrera: WHAT!? We barely started the game and someone is already dead?
Reyes: That's happened to me before.
Hicks: Same. Where's the body?
Oviedo: I found the body in Training Room. It's Mikolas and it must have just happened.
Miller: I just saw Mikolas at Dugout. I usually do Training Room first but decided to start on Ineffective since that seems to take the longest.
Ponce: I can hard clear Miller. We were both doing Ineffective.
Whitley: I didn't see anyone come out of Training on my way to Memphis.
Helsley: That's weird. I was on my from Memphis and didn't pass you, Whitley. Seems sus.
Webb: Can someone explain how to do the Getting Hitters Out task? I can't figure it out.
Reyes: Webb is sus. I think he was faking Getting Hitters Out but didn't actually do it. Nobody does Gives Up All The Runs before at least trying Getting Hitters Out first.
Hicks: It does sound sus. We've got a free shot here. Can't start off the game by letting someone just walk.
Webb: Whoa! Seriously guys. I can't figure out how to make the ball thingy go through the box. It just keeps bouncing back at me. Sometimes it goes over the wall behind me. I've got no idea where the ball is going.
Cabrera: I don't think it was Webb. He and Miller turned right out of Dugout and went in the direction of Injured list. They were right in front of me.
Hicks: I was at Injured List the whole time and never saw Webb. Also, it's pretty far from Getting Hitters Out to Training Room. I could be wrong about that though. I haven't played this game that much in a while.
Reyes: I feel that. Doesn't seem like we've got much information. Maybe we should skip.
Meeting 1 Outcome: No one was ejected.
A few moments later...
*The impostors succeed in an extremely clean double kill. Ponce waits and then self-reports the kills.
Ponce: Oh no! Reyes and Oviedo are both dead. I got lost trying to find Getting Hitters Out and just saw Oviedo's body outside Gives Up All The Runs with Reyes's next to it.
Cabrera: Reyes went into Getting Hitters Out with Webb to show him how to do the task.
Webb: It wasn't me. I gave up on Getting Hitters Out and now I'm stuck on Gives Up All The Runs trying to move the ERA bar from low to high. Maybe I'm going too slow with moving it or something.
Hicks: Well that sounds sus. You are supposed to move the ERA bar from high to low when doing Gives Up All The Runs.
Whitley: I can't get it right either, so I'll soft clear Webb here. I think maybe he's just bad at the game.
Helsley: Hicks is throwing sus everywhere. Maybe he's just trying to distract us.
Hicks: I'm not THROWING anything.
Ponce: We're on 7 and haven't voted anyone off. If we shoot here and get it wrong, then the impostors just need a double kill to win.
Helsley: What if this was a Sherriff kill?
Miller: That was the "Ryan" mod, and we don't play with that mod anymore. It was buggy and didn't work right.
Meeting 2 Outcome: No one was ejected.
One eternity later...
*Webb calls the Team Fredbird sabotage and when everyone goes to fix Team Fredbird he catches Cabrera near Dugout and then tries to hide in Memphis until his cooldown expires. Thinking he's got an easy one, Ponce gets Hicks near Injured List but gets caught by Miller who hits the button.
Miller: Ponce killed Hicks at Injured List and then tried to vent out.
Webb: Cabrera is dead too!
Miller: So this wasn't a double, but Ponce is definitely an impostor.
Ponce: I wasn't even near Injured List. I was fixing Team Fredbird just like everyone else. Quite literally everyone was on Team Fredbird. Whitley saw me there.
Whitley: You got there after I did. I was doing Memphis and went to do Team Fredbird as quickly as I could. Heck, I'm the one who actually fixed the sabotage, so if anything everyone else is sus. Where were you, Webb?
Webb: I was between Getting Hitters Out and Training Room. As soon as I left Pitchers Mound I went to do Memphis since it doesn't take long because it's easy, and then I finished Gives Up All The Runs. You could be sus too, Whitley. There were two kills, so maybe we should talk about your body count in Memphis.
Whitley: No, YOU look sus. I fixed Team Fredbird. I was the first one there!
Webb: And maybe you knew to go there because you sabotaged in the first place.
Whitley: I'm voting you next. I believe Miller here. I'm voting Ponce. I was suspicious of Helsley since he's been awfully quiet, but now I'm sus of Webb.
Helsley: It wasn't me, and I don't know who it was. I saw Miller going from right field to Dugout and assumed he was on his way to Injured List, and I never saw Webb or Ponce. Seems like we at least know it was Ponce so I'm voting him.
Miller: I'm locking it in as well.
Ponce: Well I'm voting Whitley here because he claimed that he was on his way to do Memphis and didn't see Helsley. Helsley was sussing him in the first round!
Webb: I think it's Ponce as well, but I also want to vote Whitley next.
Meeting 3 Outcome: Ponce is voted off.
*Ponce realizes that the task bar is almost complete and Whitley, Helsley, and Miller just need to finish Getting Hitters Out to win the game. Ponce chooses Sacrifice Bunts since it's the best sabotage to keep the teammates from winning. Webb catches Miller right before Sacrifice Bunts, kills, and then reports the body.
Webb: What do you have to say for yourself, Whitley?
Whitely: What? You are blaming me? I knew it was you, Webb. Vote Webb, Helsley, and we can win as teammates.
Helsley: That sounds good, but you've been sus since the first round. I kinda feel like if I vote you here that Webb and I win as teammates.
Webb: Exactly. Also, you soft cleared me earlier when I was stuck on Gives Up All The Runs because you said that maybe I'm just bad at the game.
Whitely: Nobody can possibly be that bad at Gives Up All The Runs. If you are that bad at it then maybe you shouldn't even play.
Helsley: I struggle with it too. Besides, Webb wouldn't call Sacrifice Bunts and then go straight there to fix it. Nobody calls Sacrifice Bunts, goes to do it right away and expects to win.
Whitley: I'm being framed by Webb. That's the only chance he has. He's so desperate to win that he's relying on framing because that's all he's got. Sad.
Webb: Is that your pitch to avoid your fate? Is that the best you've got?
Whitley: It's a weak pitch but at least it's something. You've got nothing.
Webb: I don't need anything. Time's up. I'm locking in in my vote.
Whitley: WAIT?! Webb said he was done with Gives Up All The Runs, but there is no way.
Helsley: Already locked in mine.
Whitley: You guys are throwing. You guys literally throw every single game you get the opportunity.
Webb: I lied. I'm still on Gives Up All The Runs. This game is really, really hard and the bullpen is really sus.
Disclaimer for parody to protect all fiction stuff:
This blog piece is not protected under any copyright laws that I know of - foreign or domestic. Any unauthorized exhibition, distribution, or copying (including excerpting) of this is perfectly fine most probably. The story (parody), names (probably fictitious but similar to real names), and incidents portrayed are fictitious and possibly a figment of your imagination. No similarities to actual persons, pets, games, or clothing items are intended, inferred, or even something I could imagine. No animals were harmed in the making of this parody which may or may not resemble fiction. It just hits different.