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The Cardinal Sin - Carson Kelly Tremendous Disappointment To His Parents

Updated: Nov 7, 2018

Could this be the year?

In years past, that question pertained to wondering if it was the year Carson Kelly would break through and become a star Major League catcher. Now the question for his family is if this is the year he’s going to grow up and forget this silly dream.

“He’s already 24. I mean, it’s time to move on.” Said one family member who wished to not be named, but was definitely his father. “Had he kept his job at Shoney’s, he could have been running his own restaurant by now.”

“It’s sad,” Carson’s mother told reporters, “You want all of your children to succeed and be happy, but come on. He hit .114 last year. Am I supposed to cheer him on after that? I have my pride. We always tell him we love him, but I have to admit, it’s sometimes hard to hold back screaming “YOU SUCK!” It would be so much easier to show our love had he just become a parking attendant somewhere.”

“Besides,” said his father who again requested anonymity, “We’re getting older and we want grandkids. We saw what happened to Yadier Molina last year. Is being a 3rd string catcher worth that?”

Hope is not lost for the Kelly family, as their younger son Parker is also in the Cardinals system. “Maybe Parker can succeed and be the star of the family,” said his mother, “Maybe this will be the year both children find success. I keep telling Carson that there is a help wanted sign at the hardware store down the street. God knows we just want him to find something he’s actually good at.”

*editors note: this is satire. this is not real. just a quick recap of satire for those that are not familiar "The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices."*


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