top of page

Yadier Molina and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Litmus Test

Go ahead. Take to social media. Write something positive about Yadier Molina. Write how you love him. Write how he’s the best you’ve ever seen. Write about how you want him to be a Cardinal forever.

Then sit back and wait for the pack of wolves Cubs fans scouring the Internet for any take by a Cardinals fan that they don’t like. Then you’ll get it. The stupidest question in the world:

Would you trade Yadier Molina for Mike Trout?

The premise here being that you’d be a fool, an absolute moron to say no. That you can SAY you love Yadier Molina all you want to, but the truth is you know you’d trade him for Trout in a heartbeat if you could. Deep down you know Yadier Molina isn’t as good.

And if you decline the offer, you’re just one of those BFIBs. You aren’t worth talking to. You’re a laughable idiot.

Screw them.

Yeah, Mike Trout is spectacular and amazing, and I’d let Jordan Hicks hit me in the nuts with a 102 mph fastball to get him on the Cardinals. And yeah, any reasonable analysis of the deal is going to tell you that Mike Trout moving forward is going to be a lot better than Yadier Molina moving forward. We get it.

You know what? That might make a great test for a General Manager. I’d be scared to hire a GM that wouldn’t trade their mother for Mike Trout.

But we are fans. We aren’t General Managers, and it is freaking OK to love our own players so much that we wouldn’t want to give them up for any other player. And excuse St. Louis if plenty of fans happen to feel that way about their undisputed captain.

Yet here we are in every single conversation having to prove ourselves as worthy of talking with Cubs fans. It’s become a prerequisite for every stupid conversation that has ever happened online, and plenty of Cardinals fans – SCARED OF BEING CALLED BFIB (NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!) SCARED OF A BEST FANS RETWEET (AHHHHHHHHHHH!) are willing to grovel and beg to be accepted because they aren’t one of those that wouldn’t trade Yadi for anything.

“Yes, let me answer your question about Yadier Molina. You can trust me. I’m smart. I would trade Yadier Molina for Mike Trout. Absolutely. In fact, I wouldn’t give Yadier the time of day because he’s not Johnny Bench, ok? Pay Yadier Molina $20 million a year? Heck no. Fangraphs tells me he’s worth way less and I’d far rather have Pena catching than to overpay for Yadi. Frankly I hate Yadier Molina. He’s way overrated. Please believe me! Don’t call me a BFIB! Have I proven my mettle to you as a smart person yet? Can we get back to discussing what Index funds are the best for long term security?”

Shut up. Stop being scared of what other fan bases think of you. Even if you’d trade Yadi for an actual goat, you don’t have anything to prove to them. They are morons and hypocrites.

Let me prove it.

Would you rather Stan Musial be a Cardinal or Babe Ruth?

Can you imagine a Cardinals fan saying Babe Ruth?

Now, I’d have loved Babe as a part of Cardinals lore, and Babe was the best player in baseball history.

But Stan has my heart. I wouldn’t trade him being a Cardinal for anyone.

You think the Cubs would trade Banks for anyone? For Stan? Even though Stan was clearly better?

No. And they shouldn’t. Ernie Banks belongs as a Cub, and Stan Musial belongs as a Cardinal, and so does God Damn Yadier Molina. You know it. Don’t be scared to say it. Not everything is wins and losses in baseball. Players often endure in us even more than trophies. This is a game of heart, and passion, and love. That’s why we watch. Not for some computerized algorithm of what is the best calculated lineup, but rather for the chance to see Adam Wainwright make our hearts a flutter again. We watch for another chance for Yadier Molina to pick off a runner.

We wish we could watch Ozzie Smith make one more double play. We long for one more Jim Edmonds swing. We need Rick Ankiel to give us one more chance to watch him play.

When Yadier retires we are going to miss the Hell out of him. And you think I might be stupid for prioritizing, as a damn fan, my last chances to see Yadier Molina while he can still perform at the top of his game?

Screw off.

And if you disagree, may you fall in love, get married, live a life of bliss, and have your spouse leave you for a younger hotter model someday. You can’t blame them. They just passed your litmus test.

I’ll stick with appreciating Yadi with the Birds on the Bat as long as I possibly can, thank you.

Now go away.


bottom of page