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FSMW To Use New “Moon Camera”

Responding to the overwhelming negative response to the new camera angle Fox Sports Midwest has deployed during home Cardinals games, the network has decided to act.

“Often the consumer doesn’t know what they like, so we have to tell them,” said one Fox Sports executive who wished to remain anonymous, “we did that with our new angle. We knew the average Cardinals fan is less interested in watching the battle between pitcher and catcher, and more into how it would feel to actually be at the game, somewhere high up on the 3rd base side, where you can’t really tell what pitches are being thrown or how good they are, and the players are actually a very minor part of your field of view. In essence, we wanted to give them the real ballpark experience – but enhanced.”

The enhancement, they explained, is a digital strike zone box, that has broken free from the terrible things that might alter your view of it, such as the things you’re trying to watch at a baseball game.

“The fans want the K zone, this much we know. The pitcher and hitter, not so much. There are 20 of those a day. There is only one K zone, so we had to get it right.”

And when the season began, and the complaints started flooding it?

“We were shocked, flummoxed. We got a million messages asking us for the old view – the straight on view from center field that focused the action on every pitch. So we took those million messages and asked ourselves, ‘What are they really saying? What is it they actually want?’ Because we sure as heck knew it wasn’t a straight on pitch camera that occasionally caused temporary, unnoticed errors on a digital strike zone box.”

Then, after hours upon hours of studying the camera view – it hit them.

“It’s the changing lights in the stadium! They can appear to make the K zone brighter or darker depending on the situation. It can be disorienting to the fan, and as they are uneducated, they’ve taken this disorienting situation and blamed it on the new camera angle.”

FSMW studied the situation and realized that the various light glares were inescapable within the Earth’s atmosphere. The only real place to set up a camera was on the moon.

Still shot from the “Moon Cam – Just the Right Thing To Do” Documentary

“It’s the only place we could find where we knew that the most important thing of all, the K-Zone, wouldn’t be impacted.”

Experts who have studied the situation say that even on the largest of televisions, the K-Zone will never exceed more than a single pixel, but also all admit “Even in one pixel it will look absolutely brilliant. The viewer will love it. They won’t even remember there’s a game going on once they get this right.”

"Wait Staff in the club section doing a heck of a job, and we can watch them work, thanks to this camera angle showing us the entire section...!" - Godar

Fox Sports recognizes that there will still be detractors, “There are people who whine about everything. In this case, it’s all of the people. But we aren’t worried. We are producing a new video called “Moon Cam – Just the Right Thing To Do” that will convince everyone of this new path.

There was worry amongst Fox that viewers might get confused when they see two baseballs at the same time, due to the Alburt Pujols “Lidge Ruiner” rotating the earth every 45 minutes or so, but Fox has no worried about viewers seeing two balls, “Frankly they won’t be able to see the real ball anyway, which is fine, because K-Zone will tell them everything they need to know.”

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