Cardinals To Rename Team After Crappy Bridge

After nearly a dozen complaints from world-renowned ornithologists, bird watching enthusiasts, and Larry Bird, the St. Louis MLB team is changing its name. "We appreciate the efforts to inform our organization that we're not woke enough to understand how the use of our previous team name was offensive to the Northern Cardinal. After 10-15 minutes of deliberating over some organic selzter served in biodegradable cups at a restaurant that supports a shelter for at-risk pet rocks, we've come to a monumental decision." -Bill DeWitt IV


Inspired by the iconic and architecturally significant Poplar Street Bridge, they're changing from the offensive and insensitive "Cardinals" to the St. Louis Poplars. Much like the bridge itself, the team is always under construction, delayed in everything it does, and promises to be better soon.


The team will be releasing many, many renderings of possible logo and uniform options before choosing the least popular versions of both for official use.


-#dennis